Conquering the Building Process

By Susan Edwards, Ph.D.
Reprinted from "Build it!" magazine

All of us meet problems on the road of life. In every aspect of life, as well as in the custom home building process, the road to success is seldom smooth. It twists and turns, has detours and some parts are "under construction" and delayed.
When homeowners like you invest time, money and hope waiting years to build a home, you may be amazed at the mix of feelings you experience when the process finally begins. Joy and frustration walk side-by-side. Like raising a child, building a custom home isn't always what you expect and difficult stages can throw you for a loop - if you aren't prepared for them. How many parents would eagerly greet child rearing if they thought the "terrible twos" or the years of "Teenager with an attitude" would be permanent conditions? Expecting ups and downs, and knowing some difficulties will be temporary will make achieving your goals easier.
Building a home, like raising a child, requires patience and an understanding of the developmental stages to expect along the way. Short-term problems are more easily negotiated when viewed as part of a bigger picture. Home building offers transitions the dirt and dust give way to the beauty of architectural design and the scientific innovation of modern home technology and comfort.

The box above breaks down the stages of your new homes development. This process moves along in concert with local laws and professional standards of practice.
Schedule delays, materials problems, inclement weather, and labor shortages can sidetrack even the most optimistic of homeowners. Keeping your "eye on the prize"-the finished vision of your beautiful new home-will help you negotiate difficulties successfully. Here are effective methods for dealing with and preventing problems:

1. Be actively involved. Your builder needs you to be available, concerned and committed. The success of your project is protected this way.

2. Maintain good communication. Everyone involved needs to be aware of progress, budget and problems.

3. Learn the terminology. You'll need to know what industry standards are as they apply to your contract. And don't be afraid or embarrassed to ask questions of the professionals you deal with if you don't understand the concepts or the terminology. The more you learn about the process, the more in control you will feel and the more problems you will prevent.

4. Understand the difference between quality and cosmetics. Though you may be most concerned about decor, you should also be aware of the quality of materials your builder is using underneath the surface to insure that your home will be a stable structure for years to come.

5. Changes can be costly and alter schedules, so plan carefully. Talk with your builder about the schedule and remember a change can have a cost associated with it and affect the completion date. Like dominoes, moving one of them affects the rest. So research your choices and be prepared to make decisions and stick to it.

6. Update your mental picture of what is included in a scope of work (contract). For each major aspect of construction, ask what is and is not included in the bid. For example, does the painting include all rooms and closets? How many coats? Understanding what you are getting for your money helps you maintain a mental image of the relationship between you finished home, its cost and your contract. Extras to be added - through changes to the contract called "change orders" - have a separate cost not included in your homes base bid cost. Why is this important to keep in mind? Extras can add significantly to the cost of a home - even to the point of jeopardizing financing. Keep your understanding of your contract up-to-date to prevent surprises at the end!

7. Provide positive energy for your "home team". Building a custom home is a collaborative effort involving a team of talented individuals. Builder, architect, interior designer, contractor, and you and your family all have an interest in seeing a win for the home team. Teams work best without interference from ego and adversarial confrontations. Be part of your teams positive energy. Show team members your appreciation of their fine work in your own way, whether its simply telling your builder when you are pleased bringing donuts for the crew when you visit the site.

8. Establish a realistic budget. Remember the saying about preparing for a vacation? "Take half the clothes and twice the money." That suggests that vacations always cost more than you think they will. New homes do, too. However, advanced planning, sticking to schedules, keeping changes to a minimum and making major decisions cooperatively with other team members will help you stick to the budget.

9. Cope with stress. Anticipate ups and downs and cope in ways which have been successful in other areas of your life.

10. Don't cheat yourself out of the joy. Giving your family a beautiful new home is like having a baby. Even when the labor is difficult, it involves love. Negotiate the difficulties along the way, but treasure the joy.

Savoring the Joy

• Tape a rendering or a picture of the house you intend to build on your refrigerator or other central location, and tack one onto your bulletin at the office to remind you of what will be yours at the end of the process.
• Mark your progress on a calendar. Pencil in significant dates, such as when the foundation will be laid or the framework is due to be up, and take pleasure in X-ing out each day as you get closer to your goal.
• Keep a daily journal. Jot down events, how you feel about them and what they mean to you. This record will be a meaningful keepsake to reread and add to after you've moved into your home. It will also relieve stress by offering you a means to express the "ups," "vent" frustrations or discouragement, and list possible solutions to problems.
• Plan ways to celebrate when phases are complete. Whether you go out to dinner, or bake a cake in the shape of a house to share with your family, marking the achievements along the way will help you maintain the strength you need to overcome obstacles.
• Increase your joy by sharing it. Make your children part of the process by asking what they would like to see included in their new home and give them updates on how the house is coming along. When you visit the building site, give your builder and his crew some encouraging words to let them know how you feel about this "dream coming true."
• Keep a photo album. The pictures you take will be visual reminders of the progress toward your goal. Behind the walls and foundation photos in particular can come in handy if the need arises later on for repairs or remodeling.

Susan Edwards, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist
in Princeton, New Jersey, is an author,
consultant and expert in the field of people
problems in custom building.